Saturday, October 23, 2004

The Shorties and Goldies Section

Here we have mini stories, updated as necessary. Short anectodes etc.


******

A new Turkish guy.. Looking like a Turk comes to town.
“Where are you from?”
“Turkey”
Next week, Japanese people come to him,
“Hey, we heard you are from Tokyo”

If he looks Japanese,
I am from Madagascar…

******

The same guy..
“Where do you come from?”
“I am Turkish, but came from Canada..”
“You are lying… What do you do here?”
“I work for Nokia”
“You are lying”

******

So, a small pizza kebab place in Tampere:
Italiano Pizza Kebab…

Now, apart from the Kebab in town being a disgrace to the Oriental Food family, since when did kebab become Italian?
Ok, I could argue, Italians are descendants of Turks and German, but this is a disgrace to Kebab…
Italiano Kebab…
Piss off…..

******

This is another story, but still,
“I am afraid of you, do you want to kill me?”
(Tampere, me, the guy, and the knife pointing to my belly)

******

Me, and a guy, in a bar, the conversation is as it is here:
He: “What’s your name?”
“Finndistan, yours?”
“Sami”
“Sami.”
“Yes. Where are you from? Spain, Italy?”
“No, am German”
“Say, do you have many girls?”
.....

******

“My husband is here, so can we meet another day? I would like to”
(Tampere, a friend)

******

After interacting with my friend, she decides to call her exboyfriend...
Literally
“You made me horny, I call my ex...”
(Oulu, Tampere, a friend)

******

Girl: I have read your page..
Me: Good.
Girl: I am surprised to see you have intelligence
Me: Bbub blub blub blub bl.......
(Tampere, Doris, Me)

******

Girl: What’s your name?
Boy: Ricardo. (Had to change name)
Girl: Oh, you are from Afghanistan?
(Tampere, Ricardo)

******

A girl told me, after I told her that the spanish, italian and especially french have it tremendously easy in this place to get laid.

“No, no, the girls just want to play with those guys”
As if the boys wish for something else....
(Tampere, me)

******

My first semester, after a party, with a girl, ask for her phone number, says no, curious, ask why,
“I want to be difficult”
Fine, now she weighs at least twenty kilos more.. Thanx for being difficult!
(Tampere, me)

******

A girl I am jackassing ‘cause she does not like me flirting with her friend.
“You know your problem is my roots, my nationality” – Because she was quite nice until she learned I was not from Italy, Spain, Greece ,whatever..
“I do not care about your country. My problem is you” – ATTEEEEN-----HUT
“So I am an asshole” – referencing to our previous conv’s..
“Yes. Where are you from, asshole?” – Though was not interested in my country???? Olalala
(Tampere, me)

******

In the bar, a dark haired guy, a girl comes.. Music’s loud,
“Ola!”
“ha?”
“Ola!”
“huh?”
“Ola! Ola!”
“Cola???”
(Tampere, a friend of mine)

******

Woman comes to man:
“Do you like big lips or small lips?”
“Where?”
“The pu**y”
“Small”
“Then I will not fuck you tonite”
Leaves
(Helsinki, a friend of mine)

******

“I will not have sex with you, but you can fuck me”
(Tampere, me, a good nite)

******

Girl having a boyfriend giving blowjob to a friend of mine, not her boyfriend.
Friend wants more,
“Let’s do it”
“No”
“Why, I mean you are blowing me”
“Yes, now you are external, sex is internal, I have a boyfriend for that”
"..."
(Tampere, a friend of mine)

******

“You will never get it that the bars are only about sex.”
(Tampere, me, a girl after telling me she loves me)

******

“We girls are not girls to be loved, we are just to be played with. Play with us.”
(Tampere, me, one of the two girls who ran away when I played : ) )

******

Two years relationship, no sex, maybe two handjobs.. Am in love, suddenly am downthere, giving her pleasure.. Was my longest try ever.. After she came countless times.. No penetration, of course.. As said, no sex for two years,
“It was fun, but there was something missing”
Guess what???
(Turkey, me, long term girlfriend)

******

“You should not have done it”
(Turkey, me, same girl, referencing to the tongue works I had done so many times)

******

A girl I flirted with some time ago.
“Come to me, for one night only. But then you will leave in the morning. Only one night, OK” She says at night,
“Will you call me?” in the morning
(Tampere, me)

******

In some bar, a friend:
“Hi!”
“Bye”
(Tampere, a friend of mine)

******

One of my friends, a total Turkish Profesional Nazi, an extreme macho, liked to conversate with transvestites. One day in a special bar, he is chatting with one, when a customer arrives, and the (wo)man turns to my friend,
“Ohh sweeetie, I will just give a second (have sex) and come back, just wait here.”
“Bi verip gelecem”
(Turkey, a friend of mine)

******

“Will you tell my boyfriend I am a good girl??”
“No”
The week before I did that, and the couple broke up due to a jealosy crisis of the guy. And this girl has been undressing me for the last hour.. good girl my ass…
(Tampere, me)

******

I colorado, went with the stage bull.. Three girls approach him,
“Are you french?”
“No”
“Oh Noooooo”
(Tampere, a friend of mine)

*******

In any bar, after some conversation
“Where are you from?”
“Turkey”
“Noooooo, can’t be”
(Tampere, a friend of mine)

*******

“Hey, what’s up?”
“Nothing you need to know”
(Tampere, a friend of mine – This was like the second best rejection I heard.. Loved it)

******

In any bar,
“Spanish? – No – Italian – No – Afgani – No – Greek – No – Where from?”
“Germany, Turkey…”
Her friends overhearing,
“Eiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii” – translation : “nooooooooooooooooooo”
(Tampere, me)

******

“Where are you from?”
“Gana (or India – both happened)”
“Oh niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice” – In a tone a mom talks to the kid
(Tampere, friends)

***********************************************************************

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