Tuesday, April 15, 2003


Was just searching the net for shoe pictures (no perversion, need it for my thesis..)


Doris (again??)

Am sitting in a corner, feet up on the stool in front, hand resting on a Velko bottle, hands tapping to the music..

A blonde walks by to the toilet.. Nice girl… Hmmm..

An hour or so later, I go to the dance floor, dance… Actually jump : )

I see her at the bar leaning against it, looking around.. at me? 1 second? Olalla…
Make my way through the floor, pushing and kicking..

Reach the girl, lean low to open the conversation, and step on her foot ful force…
“Oh sorry”

“You stepped on my foot”

“Yeah I know, not the best way to say hi…: )”

“Are my feet so big?”

“Well I know mine are big, but yours are still impossible to miss”

“You tell me I have big feet?”

“What are they, 37?”


“See, they’re not small”

“You call me big footed?”

“Lady hugefoot”


“I saw you dancing with some girls” And a look in the face…

“Friends” (truth…)

“uh uh”

“hu hu”

Interesting enough, she does not ask where I am from, but after another remark about the girls I was dancing with,

“I am going to the toilet, will be back in 5 minutes”

“I’ll be here.. “

So the girl goes, and I stand by the dancefloor as usual…

I see her coming from the toilet with her friend, go up the stairs, and just as they’re turning the corner, her friend gets pulled by three guys, finns of course… The girl too… So they keep talking until the night ends..

Getting shot down is no prob.. Happens all the time, to me, or to the girls…

But me dancing with three girls is worse than the finns trying to hit on about 10 girls in the same bar, on the same dancefloor.. (I am a regular, and I know who is doing what….)

That is b*lls**t.. my clever friends.. b**ls**t..

This is a free country my ass..

Have to add,

After all these incidents, I’ve gone immune, insensitive, and still able to give a smile while writing this : ) !!!
: ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : )


Sitting in Europa, who I just do not remember right, but could be the Rose, me, and Topo..

Chatting about something to do with women.. That men are too proud or something… Don’t remember right..

And then I am going to say:

“No lolli to the silent baby”

“Aglamayana emzik yok”

What do I say?

(God knows where my mind was while we were conversating : ) )

“Yalamayana s*k yok” (censored…)

Means translated:

“No dick to the one who does not lick!!!!”


Well, you should’ve seen the girls face : ) : ) : )


Well, congrats!!

Finnish movie is great..

Levottomat, can almost cry.. The nightlife, its loneliness combined with freedom, the binding of marriage and belief, the danger of depression, the trap of low selfesteem...

Kuutamolla, clostrophbia throughout the movie.. A person making life too hard for herself.. A guy without self esteem, destroying others.. Divorce…

Hajyt, just watched it last night, great!! The people’s identities so well drawn.. the free and bad.. the good and boring.. the traditional bootlegger.. new and old police… Crime…

Lomalla, that was fun to watch… a little more utopic than the others.. But still, the latino lover, the past, the money greed.. Worked perfect…

Mina ja Morrison, oh, this one is really good.. The smuggler.. The son, the mother… The woman.. the loneliness of a divorced family’s child.. The fast relationships..

Can’t remember now, but two or three more I have watched,

Just can say, I love the finnish style of movie making!!!

Bommarit criminal

There are these big parties, 4 times a year (or 6??), 2000 drunk students in a bunker…


My first bommari.. Have my own drinks, kirsberry votka.. Drinking, and jumping to Zen Café…

There is this curly blondie in front.. Oh, she turns around..

Hmm…. Conversation, sexy dance.. yummy..

One hour later, I have finished my drink, but not drunk, she has drank half a Minttu, and is over the clouds…

Principle: Do not touch drunk women

Action: Look for her friends in that huge party, and find them..

“Hello, I have brought your friend to you, I cannot do this.. you can take better care of her..”

Three months later, Ilves NightClub,



“Say Finndistan, I got a question”


“You use drugs???”

“No, why”

“Well after you left me in bommari, I needed to pee, and the toilets were cueued… So I went outside to the bushes.. While I was there, someone attacked me… I got free, but see these stitches?.. Anyway, so my friends have told the police about you.. you know, that I talked to a foreigner.. I told them it wasn’t you, but still wanted to make sure”


Guess I am living a dangerous life here :)


So, story has four parts:


Am there with Aytac, there on the corner is this tall beautiful (young) girl, looing at me..
Get my guts together,


Bla bla bla…

So after some time, she turns to the guy on her back and asks for a cigarette…

He gives it to her, and says a couple of things..

So, the lady speaks out:

“Sorry, but I have to be with my boyfriend”

“I know its just a trick, but go on…”

Later, when I am about to leave, I see the poor boyfriend alone…


I think I was walking from some bar to another through keskustori.. Late night, and a littlle on alcohol..

There are sitting some girls on the bench, one of them goes


I look at her, don’t recognize her (I got bad eyes also), and continue…


Standing by a table, beer in my hand, this lady is on the dancefloor…
I see her, she sees me.. I make no move.. She was disrespectful last time…

She comes over,

“Would you like to dance?”

We dance, chat…

In the end of the evening, I make my first move,

“Gimme your phone, I’ll call you”

“No, I can’t, don’t want to have a boyfriend”

(Do I want a girlfriend???) (Now the single ladies, you did not read that, OK :) ) (at least I am honest)


This lady sitting among some 5-6 Italian macaronis…

I am


Watched Levottomat, the famous finnish movie about some restless people..

Without subtitles…

Got really affected…

Especially the scene, where the guy walks among buildings after a one night stand, in the morning, he’s the only one… Maybe I found some times of myself there.. Maybe…

So, when I met some Finnish people, especially girls, somehow the subject popped up,
And I said,

“I watched Levottomat”

“We are not all like this”

Fine, who says so… I did not.. But after what I have seen…. Could not disagree with the movie…
And then, aren’t the finnish people showing “Midnight Express” every may, and believing in that movie? At least Levottomat has some nice things to show in the movie.. some sense, and then has more truth abouth the country than, Midnight Expresss has about Turkey..

But no….

“You Turks drink?”

“What, your mother’s hair is open??”

“You are not married?”

“We are not all Levottomat”….

Ja ja ja…

It is a good movie, and should be respected..

And fun to watch too…

Money Back Guarantee

Exited school..

Bad day, the bycicle repairman told me my bike is dead.. S**t…

So, called a friend, asking her to find out the bike auction times at the police…

I hear some footsteps behind me.. continue walking.. and talking on the phone..

Suddenly a young man popps up beside me, and

“asdrdfkj d.jrdögoed dfgjygu dndgeorgi d flöeiytorö djvöbd”

“Anteeksi en puhuu suomea”, then to the phone “One sec, there’s somebody saying something” but the lady does not hear, continues talking

“seferf egd bd rtgr g der te rt rg fgdf4e5ted”

“En puhuu suomea, puhutko Englanti?” to the phone, “One sec please” Phone: “bla blablabla..”

“Did you drop 20 euros?”

“Ha?” to the phone: “HOLD!” Silence

“did you drop 20 euros?”

Check my back pocket, there 10 instead of 30… Holy S**t!

“Yes thanks a lot, thanx!!!!!”

Me to the phone:

“Ohhaaaaaaa ohaaaaa ohhhhhaaaaaaaaaaa”

Sometimes I get to love thee!

You Turkish??

As usual, sitting in Europa..

Topo, me, A.S., maybe Ö.G.…

Usual subject: Women.. Usual language: Turkish Usual way: non formal. Usual level: loud

But this time there are two unknown women sitting on the same table…


In comes our Arab friend, a guy who is strictly homophobic, etc…, and speaks Turkish..

He stops by to say Hello,

So we start to tease:

“Let’s get two girls and have a 4 on 2”

(He sa’s something like piss off, just like he does after every sentence here…)

“We’ll see eachother’s butts..”

“C’moon, nothing happens if my hand touches your back”

“Ok, 4 girls??”


“Well, we can close the lights..”

Somewhere in the conversation, I rub my faust’s together and say:

“Could be fun to rub our balls together??”


After some time he leaves, and we have turned back to our relatively decent conversation,
When the girl on our table goes:

“Are you Turkish???”

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

The big ship..

Friday night.. in a cafe, discussing with Topo if we should go to the 20 hour cruise on the next night.. Make some calls, and decide to go.. Topo is supposed to buy the tickets in the morning, and then we drive to Hel., and meet up another guy, then to the ship…

Saturday morning, I wake up, lady by my side, 11.45 (no joke, that is the exact time).. Look at my phone, no call from Topo.. the bastard must’ve slept through.. So I give him a ring..

“Morning, what you slept through?”

“Noo, I have reserved the places!”

“No kidding, when does the ship leave??”


“S**t.. When will we leave?”


“Man, its almost noon, couldn’t you give me a call before???”


“F**k, now I have to be fast”

So, in that morning, until 13, I fool around once more in bed, take a shower, pack my stuff, have breakfast, and drop the lady to the bus stop..

We leave for Helsinki, at the right time..

Arrive there, something like 14.30… Have to pick up the other guy’s passport, so drive to Espoo… On the way there, I ask:

“Wasn’t somewhere here the guys pizza place, who was making these calzones?”


“Let’s eat before we go”

“I’ll call him then, and tell him to put the pizzas in the oven”

“Right”15.. Arrive at the pizzaplace, eat some good stuff, and leave the pizzaplace…

Shit, its 15.42, we are stuck on Mannerheimtie…

15.50 just turned in Esplanadi…

15.57 In front of Viking line, jump out of the car, slide on the snow, bump into the street sign, make it to the door, the counter of Cinderella is closed, jump into Mariella’s counter, and hear the woman shout


Say mambo jambo, show the ticket, and the old b***h goes EI EI

Run to the info

“Hi, we came to Cinderella”

“Can’t do.. the ship is leaving”


“It’s leaving”

“Can’t we do something?”



So, we go out of the building, one of the guys lights a cigarette, we go down the stairs, and turn around to wonder how on earth could we have missed that huge ship…

The toilet night


Am with someone there, do not remember who..

Hoaaaaa… What is that creature passing there?

“Hey hello”

“Oh hi”

And so it starts,

And continues:

“I gotta go to the bathroom”

She leaves, and makes me a sign to go with her…

Enter the bathroom.. Oh, my, the ladies toilets are so much nicer than ours…

Go into a cabin, start fooling around,

See a flicker in her eyes, my human side awakens,

“You sure you want to do this?”

“Don’t know” (I know she’s getting married next week, and her dad is upstairs)

So, I take her out of the toilet, up the stairs..

I leave her near her dad….

And I am called an asshole… World is not fair…

First Finnish experience

The first month I came.. Hanging around with students of material sciences..

Go to a party to Nite train, s**t place…

There is this beautiful young lady in the group, and we have been smiling all night, impossible to get through, the finns do not leave her alone…

So, on the dance floor, I make my move and am like couple of steps away, and she recognizes it, and calls for me, getting step by step closer..

Two steps left…


Rhythm synchronized..

Movements match..

My heart goes bum bum bububum

The bastard beside her tell something into her ear..

2 steps becomes other end of the bar

And the girl never talks to me again.. I try many times….

So, what has the guy told her.. Nobody knows me in town…

How can the girl give such a reaction…

A good example of what we are facing here..

God, now I am pissed again…

And on it goes...

Doris... Me alone, Topo’s tired, and he is my wingman in that place, but i think I do not qualify for being a wingman, in the sense I do my attacks alone..

Black hair, 185.. Gorgeous woman, not one of the regulars.. Goes to the dancefloor.. Possibly 22-23…

Eye contact..


Eye contact…

She’s leaving the dancefloor.. And eye contact ends in a stop..

“Well hi, now I have no idea what to say as an opening line” I really did not, was flung off my feet..

“Hi, neither do I.. so what do we do?”

“We try to find one, and the one who comes last follows the other”

“OK, I’ll think about it, be back in 5 minutes…”

So, I do not change place, and indeed in five she comes back, but to the dancefloor…

Eye contact..

Go to the floor, and say,

“That is not what I suppose to be back J”

“True, I could not find a line”

“Neither did I”

The dance continues, with little chat…

And the question comes…

“Where are you from”

Not even a minute after the answer,

“I have to check on my friends”

Feel free…

After the next song, I go to the toilet, and on the way, I recognize that she has left the bar…
What an image the Turks have.. Incredible.. Just by saying the country, we make women disappear.. Power, that is pure power...

The paperboy

Sitting in Hesburger before going to Cafe Europa,

Me, a German, and a Finn,

The Finn is translating some news about Afghanistan to us..

Suddenly the paper gets ripped away from under our nose..

Some guy starts reading it..

We look up, at him, he notices us..

Asks us, if we were reading it..


“Oh, I am sorry, I heard you speak English, so I thought you were not reading it”

And so he thought, he did not even need to bother to ask…

I am not like the others

After talking to this 19 year old 1.90 Russian lady dating that 1.60 older guy, I decided, I will sit on that chair and enjoy the music..

The bar is empty anyway…

So I sit on the chair, my back to the wall..

Suddenly there is a tap on my shoulder.. And I know there are no girls sitting behind me..

A guy.. with a red nose

“You are alone?”

“Yeah”, and turn around..

A tap

“You are married?”

“No”, turn around

“You are not married..”


“You have many girlfriends”


“You lie”

“Whatever” turn around

A tap

“Why you sit here alone?”

“Because I want to”

“So how many girls you have?”


“You lie”

“Whatever”, turn around

A tap..

“So why you sit alone”

“Because I want sit alone, fine?? I hope you got that”

“Hey, I have been in Paris, for two years.. I am not like usual Finnish guys”

“OK, Fine.. Have fun”

With the look on my face, I got no more taps…

Monday, April 07, 2003

Wrong doggie

After checking some stories, I decided it is time to introduce some of my ”good end” stories... Seems like half the stories I have here, end up with me in bed alone, now that is bad for my image, ain’t it? :P

Met this girl in the summer time, on the terrace of Cafe europe, two and a half years ago... – three summers ago. Was the cousin of a friend of a very good friend of mine.. Only thing we spoke was “Hi”

Two summers ago, we met again in Cafe Europe, extreme fun conversation, dancing like in a competition trying to seduce eachother.. Continues for one or two meetings, then we end up on the way to her home. Damn I miss her..

On the way, she tell me
“I hope you are not afraid of dogs..”
“Dogs? Why shall I be?”
“’Cause I have one, a dogo”
“A dackel? Now, what is there to be afraid of a dackel?”

In Mersin, a friend of mine had a ratty dog, that creature was in love with my leg... Another friend had a psycho doberman, once his head appeared through the door when the owner was taking a dump.. The dog had missed him, so thought he’ll break the door.. some readers may remember this, the dogos name was Guard...
Another good friend, used to share with him an apartment, had this medium dog, that one used to jump on me when it saw me.. Many times had her nails in my legs, stomach...
So what shall I feel when I am told that I should not be afraid of a dackel? Dackel is teddy bear.. Not even that scary.. I mean a teddy bear is still a bear..

This is a dackel:

Here we continue:
“Yeah its a big dog though”
“A big dackel? C’mon, you are kidding me”
“no, no, it weighs over 40 kg, close to 50”




>“It weighs more than 40 kg, close to 50”<



>” It weighs more than 40 kg, close to 50”<

Olalala... A dackel weighing 40 kg... that is a fat bitch...
“Damn, that is a heavy dog.. what do you do, feed her with olive oil?”
“No, its a dog bread for hunting pumas and boars, and is not fatty..”
Here I stop.. watch the road.. Still am thinking of a dackel.. Cannot put a correlation between dackel, puma, boar, hunting, activity and 40 kg...
Even Guard would not have weighed more than 35, and he was a monster...
We are in front of her house, and as she takes out the keys, I hear heavy breathing.. and

DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM footsteps approaching...

Finnish Yeti??

She opens the door, and there is the dog, putting her head low, so she can smell around my crotch... A dackel, my ass.. This is a Valkoinen Hirviy in wrong spelling, White Monster...

It was a dogo... argentina dogo.. special breed.. fight until kill, or dead... No retreat.. No fat.. Muscle.. 50 kg.. Tongue hanging out.. When the tail hits the wall, the wall goes


This is a dogo:

Friday, April 04, 2003

I am patient

It happened couple of times…

The lady comes to my place after a bar, for a coffee, or for a dinner.. Or, I am at hers…

It was the first time we come together in a private place with a bed..

Lying in that bed late at night, fooling around,
“Finndistan, I will not have sex with you tonight. Will you be angry?”
Hey, I have been trained in various form of dealing with having no sex, not the first night, not the first week, not the first month, not the first year not the…..
“No, why shall I?”
“Just was curious”
And in all these instances, I never met the woman again…
.. I wanted, but she did not..What shall I say?
“Yes I’ll be angry you bitch, I spent all night here, trying to lay you… And you just want to sleep.. Bugger off!”
No, I am not that degraded to beg a woman for sex…
I will not do it..
But then, it seems that in this country, first night sex is a widespread experience, that when a man has to jerk off on the first night, he gets angry at the woman..
They are not used to having no sex in the first night as it seems. (*I draw your attention to the easy sex issue here)…
So, by saying that I actually do not mind, do I make the girl feel unwanted?
If I say I would be angry, what is that?
Shit…No, please no girl ever ask me that, just come and sleep..
And never ask me if sex is easy..
As it seems it is very easy for guys who do not know the value of this easiness..
And one thing: It does not hurt a man not to have sex.. As long as his dick is hanging free. The problem arises if petting with jeans on.. The pressure exerted on the dick is too large then, and the ball ache is unbearable.

So if a guys says, standing naked, "if I do not sleep with you my balls will hurt", he’s lying..

Wednesday, April 02, 2003

Crazy Ivan


A saturday night in Doris..

I’ve met a friend I hadn’t seen for long time, and she had a nice lady with her...

Got introduced.

When my friend and the new girl went to dance, I joined them..

Ohhh sexxy sexxy dances they do.. Eventually the new girl turns to me, and it is a dance which says the end of the night is not near..

Suddenly Leena*, my friend turns to the new one, says something in a harsh tone, and they both leave, the new one making an “I’ll be back in a minute” sign..

I dance.. 1 minute, 5 minutes.. No, the girl does not come back..

See her talking to a guy, the night is mine now...

She still looks at me, but I do not interfere with another guys business...

Because it has happened many times, that people have said their negative opinions about me to the girls I was talking to, I decided to send a message to Leena at 4 in the morning:

“I wonder what you told her...that she got lost”

“What do you mean? I did not tell her anything.. Do not want to hear this shit.. I told her you are a nice guy...” That was three messages sent after eachother

“Sorry then, must have been a misunderstanding, see, .bla bla”

“I am not interested in peoples f**klives.. Here’s her e mail.. I gave her your number.. “ That’s two messages...

So I get a message from the new one:

“I see why Leena is angry, your bald ****** friend grapped her ass last night”


· Now should I be pissed that I had an argument with Leena because some guy I know grapped her butts?
· That I missed a chance with a girl because of a butt issue?
· Should I be happy for him?· Praise his courage? Stupidity?· Angry at him, ‘cause of putting himself to risk? A little slap from Leena would break his neck, he’s half size..
· Be angry at my own paranoia?

p.s.: In the end it turned out that my bald friend was innocent after all.. Was blamed for the job a fin had done.... poor foreigners.. always are the first to blame (see Bommarit Victim)

p.s. 2: I learned that the guy talking to the new one was reciting poems.. Decided to learn some.. Like.. take me down to the paradise city, where the grass is green and the girls a pretty....